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8 Emotional Needs You Should Never Expect To Be Fulfilled By Your Relationship

Self love

Relationships can be a great source of energy in our lives, but they can’t be the ONLY source of energy in our lives. Here are 8 emotional needs that require more self love than other love.

1. Your Self-Needs

No relationship or partner can fulfill any emotional needs that must come from within. The big three you absolutely can’t expect to be fulfilled are self-love, self-confidence, and self-esteem. The truth is these needs must be met from resources within us based on personal growth, awareness and the desire for a better life. Once we stop expecting others to fix or heal us we can take steps toward creating a life that works from the inside out. Instead of looking to your partner, try practicing self-affirmations each day. You might find yourself feeling much more confident and happier with no outside validation needed.

2. Your Source Of Motivation

Sometimes our goals don’t exactly line up with those of our partners. For instance, if you want to get out more, make new friends, and just be more social, it can feel difficult and unmotivating for you if your partner isn’t enthusiastic about doing the same. But it doesn’t have to be.

Instead start a new hobby to make friends or look to new sources of inspiration to keep you motivated.

3. Your Source Of Inspiration

Your relationship can be a great source of inspiration if you’re a writer, artist, or musician. But you can’t always expect it, nor should you get upset or think there’s anything wrong if it’s not happening. If you want to create something but your partner doesn’t inspire you, go to a conference or a communal space with like-minded individuals to find a little inspiration.

4. The Feeling Of Being “Complete”

One need that absolutely can’t be fulfilled by your partner is expecting them to “complete” you. Instead, you have to recognize what you’re missing, and then work towards filling that need yourself. No one else can complete us. When we show up for ourselves, we can truly show up for our partner. When we are in relationships out of desire, not need, that’s where the magic happens.

5. Fulfilling The Fantasy Life You’ve Always Wanted

We all have fantasies of what we want our lives to look like, whether it’s our career goals or hopes for the future. But expecting it to just “happen” once you get into a relationship is super unrealistic. Your relationship needs love, support and work to thrive, if you want your partner to fulfill your fantasies, that will never happen. They can emotionally support you in your quest to fulfill your dreams. But you should be realistic.

6. To Sympathize With You Every Single Time

If you’ve been together for a while, it might feel like you and your partner are one person. Because of that there’s an expectation that your partner should sympathize with every single one of your emotional experiences, both good and bad. However, that’s a problem because you then have a tendency to make it all about you. While your partner should show empathy and have your back, you can’t expect them to always feel the same exact way as you do, nor should you expect them to help explain your feelings or fix them. You are your own person and they are theirs.

7. A Source Of Healing From Past Baggage

Many of us enter relationships with some kind of baggage from the past, which can cause you to close up and become guarded. While the right person can make you feel more comfortable about letting your walls down, you can’t expect them to do it for you. You also can’t expect your relationship to fully heal you from your past. While you can try to forget, it’s always going to be there if you don’t take the time to work it out. You partner could even help you out.

8. To Be Your “Everything”

It’s a sweet and romantic ideal to be someone’s “everything” and to have them be yours. But just think of the amount of pressure you’d be putting on your partner. It’s pretty unfair to expect so much from one person. This type of love is commonly placed on a pedestal and is actually extremely unhealthy for all parties involved. Being in a relationship can be wonderful, but it’s not always easy. Sometimes expectations, like emotional needs you think should be fulfilled, can just lead to frustration and disappointment if they’re not met. Remember that a healthy relationship should add to your happiness, not create it.

Connect with Teresa in our Sexual Well-being community on Huddol.

Teresa Norris
Written by
Teresa Norris