I’ll never forget the first time I heard the phrase: “Same guy, different pants”. I was in a mastermind group with other personal development practitioners, and we all broke out in laughter when my friend and fellow coach, Annola Charity (Rest In Power) described the phenomenon of attracting that exact same type of person, over and over and over again.
That analogy was perfect. It resonated with everyone. Whether we had experienced this firsthand, or were helping clients navigate through similar situations, this was something we witnessed too often.
For example, a person complains about the relationship they are in and decides to leave. Only to find that the next person they attract bothers them in similar ways. They complain about the same things.
For those of us that are students of the Laws of the Universe we understand that this is the Law of Attraction at work.
What is the Law of Attraction?
Humans get confused by the meaning behind the Law of Attraction – and search engine results don’t help alleviate that confusion. The bottom line definition of the Law of Attraction is that “like attracts like”.
Laws of Attraction are confusing for humans when we view them through a lens of “sameness”. From a sameness perspective, we believe that a woman that is interested in crochet will attract a man who also enjoys crochet. While that scenario is plausible, that point of view is limiting.
Another way to explain the Law of Attraction is to call it the Law of Vibration (think vibes). Instead of the perspective of sameness, it comes from the perspective of resonance, meaning that the vibe you put out resonates with the other people’s vibes.
This can be awe inspiring in some cases and disastrous in others.
From Law of Attraction to Law of Vibration
It is your core belief about yourself that creates the core vibe of your relationship attraction. The people attracted to you resonate with those beliefs. This is what being a truth student, coach, and Law of Attraction practitioner for more than 15 years has confidently taught me.
This is great news if at your core you love yourself and know and believe that you are worthy of love. The person you attract will resonate with that belief and enhance that belief in you.
However, if some of your core beliefs revolve around feelings that you are unworthy, unlovable, or that you don’t deserve love, you will attract someone that also resonates with those beliefs and they will enhance that vibration/experience for you.
If we want to attract a different kind of person into our world we must shift our vibe, upgrade our thinking, and our beliefs about ourselves. In essence, when we learn to change our beliefs we change our experience of life.
How do we transform a belief?
The first step in transforming anything is awareness.
Some of you may be aware already of your core beliefs and some of you might be surprised just how unconscious you are about what you think or believe about yourself. I’ve worked with thousands of humans and I’m always blown away by the level of un-awareness some humans have about the impact they have on the people around them. They are unconscious to their own behavior or how other people perceive them. As a human transformation coach, my job is to help people become conscious of how they are perceived and the impact they have on other humans.
Cultivating the awareness that your beliefs about yourself generate a vibration that forms the basis of your “attraction template” is BIG NEWS. If this is new to you just sit with that for a moment.
Once you accept this core principle, and nurture awareness of your own vibration, it can move you into action.
Step 1 – Response Able
The first step is to take 100% responsibility for your own vibration. It’s true that many of you may have had trauma in your life. Many of you had parents that had no training and what they did know was unhelpful and lopsided. The fact that you are here and breathing means that your parents did enough to help you move onward.
Becoming 100% responsible may be easier to swallow by thinking of it as Response Able. Being 100% responsible or able to respond to your life. This is what I want for you.
Everything I teach as a coach and transformational leader is designed to give you power. If you are not 100% responsible or able to respond to your life, you are giving away your power. A powerful person is always able to respond powerfully to anything that comes their way.
To be clear there is nothing to fix about you. You are a whole and complete being. You have beliefs, that if we transform and align with your deepest wishes, will actually begin to attract and create a life that resonates with that wholeness.
Bottom line: All that you need to transform and elevate your vibration is dedication and willingness. That’s all it takes. If you are willing to put in the time and do the work, you are guaranteed to succeed.
Ok, I’m willing, now what?
Step #2 – Look at the past from a “what was my part” lens
It’s time to get clear about the past from this new perspective of 100% response able. If you’ve struggled with attracting the same person into your life, you may have deferred to the idea that you were either a victim or a martyr in those past relationships. There has been blame and shame, and overall disempowerment. We need to shift that narrative and be willing to take an honest look without the blame and shame. We need to be open and honest with ourselves and ask: ”what was my part?”. This opens up the pathway to owning these relationships and increasing our capacity to respond powerfully.
Being able to own and accept and ultimately release your past relationships is powerful work. It is a necessary step in order to move forward and raise your own love vibration.
The past behind you, will I attract the person I really want? It’s possible. But for many there is still work to do. We haven’t addressed those core beliefs about yourself which are setting the vibration for your future love life.
Step 3 – You are not your thoughts
It’s time to give up any and all beliefs that you are unworthy of love or unlovable. This may call on a lot of your energy. You have had these beliefs for a long time and some of them might feel like an old blanket; it’s scratchy and you would rather have something new, but it’s familiar, comforting, and a seemingly safe place to retreat to in your mind. It’s the truth you currently abide in.
This is so important. The most important rule to practice (and it does take practice) is to note that you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are just thoughts that arise in your brain. The brain does that – it thinks thoughts – the same wave an ocean waves. The ocean is more than its waves and you are more than your thoughts about you. Similarly, you are not your thoughts about your actions or your past actions or your past relationships. You get to start over or start new anytime you want to.
Being human is a bizarre and amazing experience. We have bodies that breathe us into life without having to think about it. Our hearts automatically pump blood and do all the work to keep you moving. The body is just remarkable. All these things the body does we accept as automatic, all the time. We don’t feel guilty because our body is doing all this work on our behalf. Yet when the mind spews its vitriol of insults or negative thoughts we take that as the truth.
The reality is you are made of stardust and your brain has patterns you have taught it from the time you were little. The way you think about yourself and talk to yourself are just patterns. Because these patterns have been there a long time, and because you have taken every past bad experience as evidence, they seem like they are true. They are not. They are not worthy of your attention unless they are helpful. Because helpful thoughts, aligned with your core values, raise your vibration.
Transform your attraction template
What’s important to know is that however you dialed your vibration on any given life matter, that is exactly the tune your life will play out. In order to raise your vibration in any given area of your life, you must be willing to release the past and reframe your future. You need to have the courage to change the station.
What I know is that you are worthy of having the kind of relationships you want in your life. You are loved and you deserve to be loved and cherished. If you want that, you can create it. It begins with the willingness and accelerates through concerted action. The next thing you know you are in alignment and happy and may even forget that you were looking for love. And BAM! there it will be and better than it’s ever been before.
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