Making Resolutions Is So 2020: Think transformation instead

Making resolutions

Why do most resolutions not stick? They share one un-sticky thing in common: They are largely built around the idea that you’re not good enough.

In the world of logic there is a guiding principle that if your first premise is wrong then an argument will never hold water. The first mover is always the most powerful in any logical sequence. This is also true in the logic of personal development.

Why do most resolutions not stick? They share one un-sticky thing in common: They are largely built around the idea that you’re not good enough.

When you start with I need to lose weight because I am ugly, or I need to be a better person because I don’t like who I am, guess what your future has in store – did someone say New Year’s Resolutions 2021? You have just started an argument with yourself that is not only not persuasive, but it is downright self defeating – you are literally at odds with yourself. You may win the first battle in that argument, but you won’t win the argument war.

Yearning for that which you are not

There is a troubling trend in the world of mainstreamed personal development that the only way to stimulate positive change in life is by reminding people that they are inadequate – “do this, stop that, get this” – change is a commodity we buy into. People internalize those messages and then build their change process on shaky ground. They literally construct a cage of not good around themselves, as they buy more and more into “if only” – If only I was smarter. If I only I was more mindful. If only I was more compassionate. Their change potential gets locked up in a cage of expectation. That is one cage match you always lose because it’s built on the false idea that you’re in a battle with a real foe – the made-up ideal of yourself. Guess who invented that character? You guessed it, your “lesser” half. The mind is funny that way; it will set itself against itself simply to continue problem solving.

When we desire to live out a life that is not our own, we get stuck in a change paradigm that pits our “better” self against our “lesser” self. Most people fail to reconcile those two competing selves. Idealized selves are most often the ones that gather dust in the basement, like the exercise gear we purchased in a spirit of promise, or, yes, the resolutions we keep reviving year after year.

A person divided against themselves is by definition out of integrity with their lives; integrity from the word integral meaning whole or in a state of oneness, juxtaposed to doubt, meaning a mess of double-minded trouble.

In the conventional change mindset, I persuade myself that I am “wrong” and then set out to make it “right”. This can express itself in all forms of repression or suppression, including avoidance, self-hate, and self-judgment. Even more troubling, repression is very elastic – it has a way of snapping back at you with increasing tension, like a rubber band stretched to its limits. It’s particularly snappy when we create a specific change-related expectation and feel like we fail to reach that goal. Those sting the most.

Coming home to who you are

Huddol Journeys is appealing to a new wave of change seekers who are tapping into their own latent potential; we want people anchored in transformation, not sublimation or unfulfilled expectation.

This is why we focus on authentic transformation in the Huddol Journeys experience. We abide by the Wizard of Oz principle; if you want the truth, then come home to it. There is no magical place “out there” – you were always home.

We start from an amazingly simple, tried, tested and true message one encounters across all wisdom traditions; YOU ARE THAT – no more, no less.

Huddol Journeys is led by a network of transformational growth Mentors who have honed their craft through diligent study and deep self exploration – they walk the talk. Huddol Journey members are invited to go on 7-day transformative Journeys with their caring Mentors by their side. These Journey experiences combine reflection and practice to support the deeper alignment of member’s interior and exterior worlds – revealing the truth of their authentic being through their own experience – guided, yes, but ultimately self-manifesting.

You ever notice that the most resounding truths you uncover are the ones that echo most profoundly in your interiors; like they always abided there? That’s because they do. You’re literally coming home to the very ground of your being as you peel back the layers of fear, anxiety and imposed expectation. Huddol Journeys gets to the heart of those perennial truths and facilitates the process of self-actualization.

The future of self development is in authentic transformation – it cannot be consumed by consumers or learned through endless knowledge brokering. It is unlocked through the exploration of our interiors and the vast landscape of truth that abides there.    

So, if you want to activate a change process this New Year, start by being resolute about ONE incontrovertible truth:

YOU ARE PERFECTLY OKAY AS YOU ARE, AND IT’S PERFECTLY OKAY TO COME HOME TO THAT.

About the author

Mark Stolow is the CEO of Huddol. He has spent the last 25 years on a personal and professional quest to support others in their experience of self-actualization. Huddol Journeys is the next stage in this adventure – creating digital spaces that connect and, ultimately, transform the lives of millions of people. 

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Mark Stolow