There comes a point in every relationship where we can feel a bit “disconnected” from our partner. That can be emotional distance or situational distance or a combination of both.
Distance can leave you asking questions like: Are we supposed to be together? Is it always going to be like this from here on out? Though it may seem like things are falling apart in these moments, it’s not necessarily the end, but merely a sign to do something different.
Here are few things we can do when we’re feeling disconnected in our relationship:
- Reflect back to them their positive traits that you enjoy. To say “thank you” when they buy you dinner or give you a gift is one thing, but to let them know that they are truly being seen takes it to a whole new level. Is your partner a great listener? Is your partner very affectionate? If so, then tell them! Casually say, “Wow, you are so affectionate — it’s great!” In doing so they will feel more seen, loved and appreciated in the relationship.
- Let yourself ask those more intimate questions. Is there something you’ve wanted to ask your partner, but you held back because of fear? Maybe it is how they felt about some past event or what their motivation was behind an action they made.
Whatever it is, ask with openness and curiosity to really know and discover more about them. If any questions to ask come up with the underlying motivation to release some kind of underlying anxiety or with some need to control, then let it go. Rather, ask to truly learn more about your partner.
- Ask yourself (and them): What can we do that would make us feel more loved? Note here that I did not say “What can your partner do…” The reason for this is because we don’t want to find ourselves caught up in this place of all these things that we wish our partner was doing to make us happier and more loved.
Key here is to take personal responsibility for your own happiness but, since it is a relationship, to have the intention of really making changes together as one unit. So, what kinds of things could you both change in order to feel more love in the relationship? What new activity might you do together ? How might you start acting differently? What new things might be talked about?
- Spend time giving them your undivided and FULL attention. This kind of sounds like a no-brainer, but I feel like we all need this reminder every so often. Whenever we get really stressed out about several things, we can find ourselves so wrapped up in all the things going on that we forget to simply just stop and take the time to really enjoy being with our partner whether it be on facetime or in person. Yes, it sounds simple, but sometimes taking this time to just really be with our partner each day is actually all we really need to turn our relationship around.
Ultimately, remember this: When we are feeling disconnected from our partner, it isn’t necessarily a sign to leave, but to go deeper. It’s a sign to make subtle changes in order to open your heart and create more intimacy. Sure, it may not always work out for both parties and parting ways may become the best option, but it doesn’t have to be the first option when there are so many choices about how to foster more closeness.
Connect with Teresa on Huddol.
