Intimacy. We all crave it. We all desire more intimacy in our relationships. Despite that wish, so often we lack it.
What do you think when you think of intimacy? Do you think of physical touch or perhaps sensual pleasure? Or do you think of a connection, an affectionate relationship with another person? Intimacy goes beyond sexual intercourse—it is not just sex. Intimacy is about closeness, about being together, and about creating and maintaining a relationship. It is an important part of any relationship, with or without sexual intercourse. It’s like what air is to the lungs.
Intimacy matters in a relationship because it helps us grow together as partners, but also as individuals. It creates the perfect environment for us to be able to experience fulfilling moments. Intimacy helps us build a strong foundation for a relationship, especially when we go through difficult times. Intimacy brings us closer emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually to that one person that we share our life with and helps us know they we’re not alone regardless of what we have to face each day.
Here are 5 simple steps you can take to explore intimacy more deeply.
1. Intimacy can be built only once we feel safe
Have you ever felt distance in your relationship, coldness from your partner, feeling disconnected or unsafe?
Creating more intimacy in your relationship, or feeling more intimate with your partner will not happen if you can not trust them – if you can not trust and feel safe in the experience of sharing affections. Similarly, we cannot be affectionate or receive affection without experiencing intimacy.
It’s important you feel safe in your relationship in order to ask for what you want, to feel seen and heard, and to have healthy communication around needs, desires and boundaries.
2. Intimacy requires presence and openness
How often do you find yourself trapped in your own mind, in your own thoughts, without even being present in your own body? In order to cultivate intimacy in your relationship and even with yourself you must be present and opened to doing so.
Imagine coming home after a long day at work and realizing you need to cook or prepare some food for yourself or for you and your partner. You still have emails to check on, phone calls to make, and preparations to make for the next day. And so your mind becomes busy and preoccupied with everything going on. Would you be able to observe how your partner feels? Would you have time to sit down and talk about each other’s day or would you even allow yourself to stop for five minutes and enjoy some quality time by yourself or with your partner? If you find yourself caught in this scenario, or if the answer is no, then you may be lacking some intimacy.
Now imagine coming home after work and spending a few minutes to unwind and relax. Perhaps you and your partner start cooking together, having a glass of wine, talking about your day and spending some quality time while creating a more intimate connection. That sounds good doesn’t it? Well if you noticed you and your partner are a lot more present and open with each other.
So next time when you crave more intimacy in your relationship remember to stop and become present with yourself, with your body, with your partner and be open to create intimacy even with the most mundane activities.
Intimacy happens when you are in a present state of mind and are open in building a deeper connection with yourself and your partner every single day.
3. Building intimacy requires self awareness and courage
You have to become self-aware and courageous when expressing yourself, your wants and needs.
How often have you thought intimacy should come naturally in a relationship when two people love each other and want to spend time together? Have you ever found yourself wondering how come after spending a long time with your partner or being in a relationship for a long time you seem to be further away from being intimate? Perhaps you also heard that men express their intimacy through physical touch or physical intercourse and so you find yourself craving other forms of intimacy. And so you feel you have to give your body to receive the intellectual and spiritual intimacy that you are looking for.
Let’s remove those assumptions and recognize that we have to become very self-aware when it comes to everyone’s behavior. We’re all different and have to be able to understand each other’s needs, desires and boundaries in order to create connection in a relationship. We have to become self-aware of how we express ourselves and how we build relationships. All that requires quite courage. Courage in expressing your most inner thoughts when it comes to your intimacy, your inner desires, your inner picture of what intimacy looks like to you.
4. True intimacy requires authenticity
You need to be your most authentic self. Intimacy is built on honesty and authenticity. It’s not about only sharing your past, your fears or problems, but more about sharing about yourself. Sharing how you feel in the present moment and how you feel towards the person in front of you.
To create a deeper level of intimacy in your relationships you want to be genuine without fear of being judged or rejected. Awareness, courage, and authenticity will anchor you, so you don’t miss out on the beautiful experience of real intimacy. Through this authentic experience, our relationships will deepen and become more genuine and loving.
At times, we fear intimacy. It makes us feel exposed, vulnerable, raw and too open to being hurt. When you feel safe and can trust the person (or people) you want to build more intimacy with, and can move towards full authenticity, your experience of intimacy will be greater than you can imagine.
To build true intimacy you have to start by being your most authentic self with yourself first and foremost. When you are able to be your most authentic self, to be fully honest with yourself, and to explore the world, you will be able to have a deep understanding of what intimacy is to you and to start creating it with yourself and with those around you.
5. True intimacy starts with I
Intimacy doesn’t start with a partner or with the person we’re currently dating. It starts with the relationship we have with ourselves. No one can read our mind. No one can read our thoughts, and no one is in our skin, our body, and our heart. So in order to create true intimacy, we have to start by becoming intimate with ourselves.
How do you become intimate with yourself?
In order to build an intimate relationship with yourself, you want to make sure you feel safe and create a safe environment for yourself. You have to be present in your mind, your body, and your heart. You have to be open and be aware of your needs, desires, and boundaries. You want to have the courage to express yourself openly and authentically at all times. want to be able to build your confidence, your self-esteem, and your self-worth. You want to fully accept yourself and practice self-care and self-love every day. Your relationship with yourself will be at the basis of every relationship you will ever have. Your intimate relationship with yourself will set the tone for the intimacy that you can experience in your relationships.
Healthy and intimate relationships can have a major effect on our mental health. Our close relationships can not only give us a strong support system that will help us better manage mental illness, but the intimacy they provide can also help fight symptoms of certain mental health disorders.
Listen to Huddol Journeys Mentor, Alexandra Miu, in this live class recording, uncover ways of creating true intimacy in your life and learn 3 tools that you can implement right away to develop a healthy intimate relationship with yourself and your loved ones. These live online classes are brought to you by Huddol Journeys: A daily companion for personal transformation.
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Join Alexandra Miu for a 7-day Journey into how to cultivate deeper relationships and long-lasting intimacy. Start today. Download Huddol Journeys; your daily companion for personal transformation. What starts as 7 days, transforms into a lifetime of personal growth.
About Alexandra Miu’s 7-day transformational Journey: Breaking Through the Inner Barriers to Relationship Intimacy
What if you could live a vibrant, joyful and full of love life? What if all the break ups, heart aches, sufferings and failed relationships were merely lessons that, once healed, could support you in cultivating deeper and long lasting intimacy? How different would your relationships and life be if you were confident, feeling strong and anchored in a clear sense of yourself?
In this Journey you will experience deeper intimacy by getting to know yourself and others. You will heal and break down the barriers that hold you back from creating intimacy on all levels: physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. You will discover how to tap into your unlimited potential for sacred intimacy, harmonious relationships, and infinite possibilities in all areas of your life.
This Journey will challenge the assumption that you are broken or not good enough and that you need to be fixed. It will expose the inner critic, the inner victim, the inner predator, and the fear that holds us back from nurturing intimacy in our relationships. We will decondition from unhealthy beliefs and behaviours while creating new and empowering ones.
Go on a journey of self-discovery through our guided coaching experience. Start today. Download the Huddol App now.
Huddol helps you wake up to your very best self:
- Overcome negative self-talk and shift your mindset
- Build life-changing habits that nurture well-being and help you achieve your goals
- Cultivate deep self-awareness and learn the art of self-mastery
- Build relationships and family connections that nurture gratitude
- Say goodbye to pain, fatigue, burnout and stress and access boundless energy
- Explore the ancient practices of meditation, stillness and mind-body alignment